"The Kid"

As of right now, our unborn son is being referred to as "the kid." (Mind you, this is used equally as often as "the baby," so don't go thinking us heartless parents or anything drastic like that.)

Why are we calling him this, you ask?

Because we can't agree on an f-ing name, that's why.

The newest saga in this whole argument?

The fact that my husband wants to name our child "Marshall Junior."

Okay, so I get the whole idea that it's a man-thing to want to have your first son carry on a part of you and blah blah blah. BUT. It also leads to all sorts of bullshit, like having your credit reports get mixed up, having your medical records get mixed up, etc. My brother is a junior to my father, and they vehemently argue against it now, saying that it's a HUGE pain in the ass mistake.

In addition.

I just don't like it. Why?

Number 1: We wouldn't call him "Marshall." That is my husbands name, and most importantly that is the name I call out during sex. I WILL NOT call my son Marshall for that very reason.

Number 2: The alternative to calling him "Marshall" is to call him one of the following: "Marshall Junior," "Junior," "J.R.," or "M.J." I HATE all of those. Why in the hell would I name my child something but call him something else? "Junior" makes me think of nothing else but hicksville trailer trash and I might as well doom him to a mullet and coveralls (I truly apologize if you call your child Junior. I just can't help the name association). And M.J.? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the chick from Spiderman. I don't care if it's the same initials as Michael Jordan. It's gay and I won't call my child that.

Number 3: Our child is already getting the middle name "Dale" which is my husband's middle name and a family name he wants to pass down. Okay, I get it, that's fine. And he'll have my husband's last name. Again, fine, it's my last name now too. But wtf?! Can't our child have SOMETHING in his name that has ANYTHING to do with ME?! I obviously don't want to name our son "Sarah Junior"... Duh, that's not what I mean. I just mean that I want his name to have some part of me, even if it's just that I get to help pick it.

Number 4: He needs to have his own identity. I'm already scared that he's going to be a total shit like my hubby was when he was little (he got kicked out of preschool, okay). We don't need to seal the deal by giving him hubby's same name.

Number 5: My husband HATED that name growing up. Why in the HELL would he pass it on to our child who would inevitably hate it also? Come on... being called "Marshmallow Humps-for-free" sucked back then and it would suck now too.

Urgh.

"M.J."

Wtf, indeed.